Blogging is a Moving Meditation.

BLOGGING as a MOVING MEDITATION: Liminality's thin passage untangles as it weaves, fits in the ineffable nooks and crannies of my heart's prayer wall, like the cracks in pavement, mile markers on the road, windblown whimsical napkin poems written in eyeliner.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Hold me Jesus- Rich Mullins.

I think he and Keith Green are salient notes in the darkest of spaces.  Thinking of my friend who was a worship leader that died today.  Car accident.  Young with 4 kids.
Hold me Jesus......... and hold his family. amen.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Learning Lab 2013, Bent Tree Bible Fellowship- Shannon Hopkins

This is my friend Shannon Hopkins.. who has done some amazing work with connection and awareness.  Love this..... fav quote in this clip that to me embodies things...................................  "nobodies Post-Love"-   Here's a word from Shannon:

As you know, we at Matryoshka Haus use creative projects as a way to engage with non christians in the UK.  We have found this to be an effective strategy for developing a community, transforming lives and making a difference in the world.  This summer a group from Dallas came over to see what they could learn from us.  This is a short 2 minute video recap of their time in the UK with Matryoshka Haus.

Transparent House.... This inspires me.

I love the Transparency and to design in order to appreciate the sun sets.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

All Sons & Daughters Performs "Wake Up" at RELEVANT

Sometimes i need to ground in Presence Music............  

My heart's been in a Healing Crisis storm, where the waters are choppy and the wind recalcitrant.  

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

taking some time with it..........

One of the few times i used my 4 person tent whilst in New Zealand.

I actually rather be in the Truck (Maggie) than out in it.

However, it was nice to know there was an option some of the time.

It was absolutely a juxtaposition on many points.

I went to New Zealand on the cusp of some pretty shitty stuff that happened in the states.  Yet, instead of solitude i pretty much dove into a "mosh pit" of  love and life transitions, hormonal states, emotional upheavals; did i mention some of those were mine and i was stellar at not being able to hide it.

I've been back 2 + months and have not been able to put down on paper some of the amazing adventures of that trip.  I've missed those crazy characters on a daily basis.

I think that it's because mostly it's been an inner healing journey part of my life and unpacking that on a blog will take a bit of time in the choice of that revelation.

I do understand that there are some things that "Mary hid in her heart", per say.

So suffice to say that this was a picture of my "tent" overlooking the City of Wellington on some sacred ground.

I might peek out of that "Tent" and share a bit- it's just gonna take some time.

Monday, September 23, 2013

the worst vulnerability hangover of my life.........

this was really worth the listen............ omg............ honesty is really refreshing.  Love this woman's insight!  

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Larry Norman - Live At The Elsinore - 2005 [FULL]

Dang He can bring it home............ such the brokenness - such the raw..............  gotta hear it all to understand the tapestry he was weaving ............     thanks for the honesty Larry.  

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Aurora Australis and the Church of the Good Shepherd, Tekapo, New Zealan...

I was at this little church whilst in New Zealand. Wish i would have been there to have watched this all night!
I love the Heaven Singing Light!!!!

Sunday, September 08, 2013

i've been Goosed Wildly- so take a gander..

I've been "Goosed" wildly this year.   Phil Wyman i'm sorry i didn't get your permission before i blogged the pic- but it was such an encapsulating moment.  

Wild Goose for me was a touch and go quest.  I was staying in NZ with those infamous Jones. (tallskinnykiwi)  However, re-injured my neck and arm and had to come back to the States.

I contacted Steve Knight with the basic request of -  "what are your rates for a homeless, nomadic, somewhat apostolic  -couch surfer that is injured and still wants to come to the Goose"-  
I've been on the periphery in this ongoing "CONVERSATION" since 1998...... and have met Steve only once; yet having a really good ongoing cyber dialogue for now years! This man went above and beyond just to get my scrappy arse there!

Steve was stellar and quickly got me hooked in with some amazing peeps and even picked me up from the airport and Drove me to the Goose!-  come on-  that's deserves some mega kudos and props!  

I landed in pain and a bit draggy, only to find Steve and Holly were there in a flash and pulled up - just when i was about to light up!  
There were old and new hugs and a few cheek kisses.

I originally stayed at "The Garden House"- that was filled with so many warm hearts and questioning minds.   i wish i took more pictures of these folks as they truly were a breath of fresh air to my soul. 

I thought i'd mostly stay on the periphery of Goose antics.

  That was kinda hard as the first night was baptized into some good wine and beer, with a wee dram involved.  Crackers, Cheese and Conversation are some of my favorite C's in life. So communion and baptism took place in some parallel universe in Hot Springs.

i had three senses going on in my Spirit though:
1) a sense of safety even if someone got angry. This tent was big enough to refrain from judging and still maintain a space of peace if things got messy.
2) something that happened on that land was sad and symbolic as to where the event was taking place.
3) i'd been thru some serious crap this last year and didn't know how i was going to respond to a "christian event"- no matter how clever or comfortable the sub-titles seemed to be.

Well, the first sense was re-affirmed many times.  I saw people confronted with their fears and issues and instead of getting angry, they took a step back to re-evaluate.

The Second Sense about the sadness on the land - 
Apparently, this space was used as a German Prison Camp and there were remnants of their walls still baring history.

I was struck by the contrast of prison walls vs our freedom in Christ.  

And remembered those that "sold themselves into slavery" 
; whilst singing a Moravian anthem.  

The concept of social justice took me on a whip lash turn;  Ok, reoriented. 

Then Chip and Terry jumped in and offered me a place to crash for the rest of the event!  What a freaking blessing they were.... such stories of their walk with Jesus and how they have been on a  journey together.  Then a really cool "night cap" of more peeps such as Micky and KC gang. (dam that sounds like a 70's rock group. ;-)   

It just got richer.  Richer in texture and softness. 

The rest was a blur of mineral baths, really good vibes, great talks, old and new friends, decent beer & wine and some "busting chops", "ribbing" or whatever else good old "taking the Michael" out of someone means these days.

Gotta say that the "speakers" went way beyond gracious with just talking with people after they did their spiel and were obvious already poured out a bit far.

I wish the "Elder's" part of it all was a bit more center time zone and not so early in the morning, because i think it deserved better press with it's caliber of veterans.

i still felt myself being drawn to the periphery of the theater. 

But there were the most profound conversations there.
So much so that it reminded me of how these types of events do have their headliner draw cards; but the quality of those that attend those events are just as stellar, if not more so in the humility/ humanity grass roots standpoint.

I'm grateful to the people i had the privilege of encountering.

I'm looking forward to the ongoing conversations and couch surfing landing points of amazing contacts.

I'm still struggling about some of the views that were shared as my foundational structures make themselves evident. (what can i say, but i like Philippians 2:12...)

The third sense i had of not being sure how i was gonna respond to a "Christian Event"- no matter how clever or comforting the subtitles was absolutely correct.

I wasn't sure how i was gonna respond at all.  
But that really didn't matter much as people did take me at face value and understood when i said, "i'm not sure what my take is on that topic, but i'm exploring it."

i could go on about the music, talks, food and oh yeah, the rain; but there are all those YouTube vids in which to gander.

I'd say go listen to some sound bits and full talks and make your own conclusions.  

It blessed me beyond measure and i'm sure i'll be weighing that out over the next few months of processing.

Thanks to all that helped make it happen for me with rides, food, landing points and a lot of grace.

shalom and love,


Thursday, September 05, 2013

Waiotapu Wonderland, Rotorua, NZ Hot and Steamy New Z!

This video really just made me miss the Kiwi Cheek.
I loved "Kerosene Creek" in Rotorua-  which was the hidden and free place to be.
This was NOT a free place, so budget dictated and i'm watching this video.
However, it's making me wonder about paying a fee in order to put yourself at risk of a flying superheated pie of mud in the face.
Ok New Zealand, i officially miss thee.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

MORE ON THE WEATHER................................

Living in a micro climate in Montueka NZ lends itself to all sorts of contrasts. My face and arms are tan but my legs are pasty white. I wear icebreaker merino wool leggings and a T-shirt. I can be hot and cold at the same time and its not menopause. I usually start my morning with one pair of thin thermals, layered with a thicker pair of icebreaker thermals, followed by REI fuzzy pants, T-shirt, 3/4 sleeve merino icebreaker shirt and an REI warm fuzzy top. All of which is needed to not shiver & chatter whilst heading to the showers! Mornings are about 40 degrees Fahrenheit and rises to about 65. If you sit directly in the sun you will promptly burn within 15 min as the ozone is thinner here than anywhere else on the planet and apparently there is a crack in it as well; that the US somehow caused. (If you are prone to the prophetic spidie sense; it does wonders for your dream life.) So stark contrast is the norm with a victrol if landscape in visceral reaction .

Once the sun goes down, which is quite early, the brisker cold is back as the temperature dives quickly. If the day has been cloudy, temps stay in the 50's but if it was clear then there is no white billowy blanket to keep in the generated heat and the temps drop drastically. It's been down into the 30's and I'm grateful that Andrew attached the German little furnace... Warm and dry is the goal and according to Debbie we are closer to that than ever before.
This vehicle has been to over 30 countries in the last 4 years, but they have been in mostly warm weather; so new challenges await.

So why all the talk about weather.? Being in a small space makes you appreciate the outdoors more.... Living in Austin has its merits but the purgatorial heat does cause one to hide from the glare of the Texas. Oh, internal weather is stormy and my body is hurting a lot!

Thinking about friends and family and wishing they could be a part of this rather than apart of this. Caught a glimpse of a person that looked so much like my friend Shannon in England that I almost called out her name!!!! Thinking of friends in Austin, NYC, Jersey and basically across the globe. Listening to Neil McSweeny in head phones tying to type between swatting horse flies away whilst watching the horses jump. Gorgeous black one with white socks is putting the others to shame; though the chestnut one is challenging for center stage. The back drop of the mountains and red parachutes dropping like lollies from some sky candy factory is more than entertaining!
So the night changes and we are having very fresh local sea mussels, Artisian bread and some amazing local wine; all on clearance and 1/4 of the fraction!!!! I'm thinking that "here is a gift... SO, how many have I missed???
It might be acceptable to tak about the weather, but do you really want to know my inside weather?

The wet stuff under my eyes isn't allergies.

All those emotions just remind me that we are clay. Perhaps it's G-d's tears on dust.

Monday, April 22, 2013

More of the Journey

I actually finished a long update and when i went to post it was gone... so seems like i hit a glitch in the matrix. So the question as to re-type and re-formulate what i had written or start from scratch.
It's a rainy day here in Montueka and all 7 of us are in Maggie (the truck) and most of 'em are watching a movie on the laptop. Thankfully Andrew and Debbie have a solar panel and it recharges things like laptops and phones.
it's been 2 months since coming aboard this proverbial missional ship and it's been glorious and challenging all at the same time. Captains Debbie and Andrew are stellar in their positions and the dialogues that ensue as to "where to go and when" are quite hysterical. i am enjoying the fact that i am NOT in control as to when and where we go; as it's a bit freeing for my soul.
They are battening the hatches so to speak in getting Maggie more rainproof as well as getting a wood burning stove installed. Debbie's mantra: WARM AND DRY It's a work in progress; as New Zealand winter is at the door. The mornings usually are early; as power for lighting at night is limited; it's amazing what that does to your circadian rhythms, Debbie's brain works quite well in the morning and she is up and thinking quick on her mental feet. I hear her spouting her ideas as to how to fix this and that and what are the priorities of the day. It's normally then i start the 63 hand crank turns for the coffee grinder to make 2 cups of amazing coffee. You see my brain does not work well when it's not had a bit of caffeine and a ciggy. Usually it's then when i hear Andrews voice wafting from the loft "where's my dam coffee". Tis an ongoing joke as everyone is very polite in asking for things and British in the ways of starting a sentence with an apology.

We are presently in a Trailer Park that shares land with horse stables, where they are daily training people in jumping. Along with the jumping there is an air field where there is parasailing and parachuting !!! It's 180 to jump out of a plane.. and i'm truly considering it! (would that be the ultimate in throwing money out the window or a true leap of faith? i'm not quite sure.

Jenna and Sam have gotten their own caravan and are traveling with us on and off and it's been much fun going exploring small and obscure towns. The commentary on quirky art spaces and visioning for the next season has gotten my brain thinking of all sorts of ideas.

There are phrase's that one only hears when traveling with the Jones...
1) where's my chicken? (which is Debbie's purse that is actually in the shape of a chicken)
2) who's got fluffy? (which is a blue oversized fluffy blanket that Coco picked up at an opt shop for a few dollars)
3) lean right or left ( when getting in the bottom lockers that hold all our gear that is not of immediate use) That being said, Andrew's stuff is sufficiently strewn across pretty much everything, and though it's directly in front of his face, he will forever be asking "where is the/my...... and the list is ongoing)
4) lemon down..... (when anything, not just a lemon is tossed from a cabinet or bungee corded object that gets tossed by Andrews ability to find the biggest rockiest hill to climb!) Sorry Andrew but you have no idea how much the back end of this Truck gets tossed about as you are sitting in the front cab driving!
5) pass me the elephant or cockroach..... (2 big oversized beanbag chairs that are filled with the kids bedding and once morning in upon us, turn back into big stuffed chairs or pillows.)
6) Where's my dam coffee? Followed by " get your own dam coffee"

I will say 7 people with limited space lends itself to internal introversion and endless kitchen ordering and dishes. (limited space is defined as 1/4 of the size of a small NYC studio apartment)
My sleeping quarters consist of a bed behind the cab that also carriages the electronics, back packs and numerous hats from their travels. Presently posted is a magazine photo of a glass of wine being poured with the words "in vino veritas" since the girls are learning Latin. There are also a bunch of pictures up with other various Latin phrases to increase recall. (home schooling in a house truck is quite clever!)

Well, that's a wee look into the daily life on the road. I shall post more when i find wifi. For now i'm unplugged from my typical life of work, house payments and taxes. I'm visioning for the next season and i think it's not gonna look much like the first part of my journey. HINT: Looking for airstreams and i'm not discussing the weather.
shalom to the deepest!

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Harsh Transitions and some closing salutations to a difficult season....................

I know some of you have been wondering just what is going on.
( i know some who don't give a flying... so wondering just what you are doing on my blog)

It's been a pretty heartbreaking year and a half for me to say the least and not even really sure i know where to begin.

i could talk about the lovely Wedding of Jenna and Samuel Jones and the trip to New Zealand.... but not just yet....

This year and a half contained a lot of loss.... and was soul laden in heaviness.
My sister was diagnosed with cancer and on the cusp of another surgery was informed by my husband that he was leaving the marriage. Then my sweet dog Selah needed to be put down and 6 months after that i lost my job and after that was cut off in communication from friends that i thought would be there for life. To say that was painful would be minimizing ... it was brutally painful. Painful to the extent that i really did just want to die. Seemed easier.... so some things DID DIE. I put my trust in some friends on matters of heart, just to be told i was being "too negative". I'm still a bit gobsmacked on all the matters above and i'm in the sorting of emotions in my soul.
It's not that i was wallowing in self-pity on things. It's just when you are hit with a tsunami, it DOES take some time to adjust. In all of this... i was still trying to be obedient as in what was on my plate during that time. Praying for the fruit in that still, as it felt like being stretched to capacity and still wanting to love well the people God was bringing through the door.

Word to the Wise.... (from someone who wasn't so wise) Take the time you need and DO NOT LISTEN to JOB's Friends.
I heard all sorts of critiques on my character and the blighting felt quite merciless; actually it WAS MERCILESS.

Of course i took those critiques to heart and looked at them with some measure of seriousness.

We all screw up... flesh out.... and react from hurt. I'm pretty honest with my crap almost to self deprecating levels. I know there are places in my heart that were so wounded as a child that rejection, betrayal and abandonment are my "big three" in targets.

It would be nice if i were just immune to those things, however, when they are continually being reinforced, it's rather difficult to just pretend they don't hurt.
They DO hurt and for the record, Abba was quite clear that my reactions as well as some of my more holier responses were normal.
I do want to respond rather than react. However that does NOT go over well when you are establishing some boundaries in relationships.
I tend to forgive quickly. That's good and bad. Good in the sense that it IS what God wants so that bitterness does not set in and take hold. Bad in the sense that unless i make it clear that this type of repetitive pattern from people that "love me" isn't acceptable, it will happen again.

The part that i've had a really hard time with has been the lack of understanding and grace; in that what i was walking thru didn't need the critiques and character assaults. i really just needed Mercy for my heart, Compassion for my soul, Safe touch for my body and Sanity for my mind.
All that comes with just being "with" in the process and not trying to "fix it". I'm so thankful to those that were the mouth piece/peace of grace and mercy. Funny it came from the oddest of friends.... some i've know for over 20 years and some i had just met.

One living acts of compassion came from my friends John and Caroline. They jumped in and moved in with me! (and tolerated my vegetative state sitting in front of TV watching "Grey's Anatomy" till i fell asleep, only to wake and turn it on again) Was i escaping?... erm, OF COURSE! But also i found some level of comfort that the show depicted life and death trauma and how people process things differently. It reminded me that i didn't loose my legs or arms or have a stroke or any of the like; things that working in healthcare for over 20 years i saw on a daily level. (Which has kept my perspective on severity) It also reinforced that the losses i have encountered were and ARE real and there are stages of Grief with all loss.

So thankful for my spiritual mom, Kathy for her endless hours on the phone reminding me that i wasn't crazy and that my heart was amazing. My own mom MaryJane had cut both me and my sister off in communication years ago, so to have a dear friend like Kathy that functions in a "mother capacity" when needed has been life giving!
I also contacted my old counselor Dan, from years ago.... It was good to hear a male perspective on matters and he is a wiz at cognitive reasoning skills!

It wasn't that i walked through all this without help. I aggressively sought it out. My analytical skills can be stellar in situations outside of myself and i'm aware of that; however you can not do heart surgery on yourself!

Long to short, when the job loss happened, i had two choices. Pursue what i have done or pack up and sell the house and leave. Of course i did both.... i put my house up on the market after having it repainted and things fixed. (that list seemed endless and further overwhelmed me to where i almost shattered- THANK YOU John for skills that are beyond me and Josh for the help with packing- I could have NOT done it with out you guys!)

I looked for a job, but the only things that were coming up were PRN (as needed) assignments, that were in settings that would just further depression. I cried out to God in that space and there was A lot of tears.
So i put the proverbial fleece out..... "Lord, if you want me to go to New Zealand to be at Sam and Jenna's wedding and hang with those amazingly crazy nomadic Jones's, then please sell this house in 6 weeks or if you want me to stay and pursue a job in Austin, then make it abundantly clear. amen"
i'm not sure how many that are reading this have sold a house before, but it's exceedingly stressful. Having to keep it looking shiny and happy when my heart was dingy and sad was taking it's toll. My patience was short, people scattered (the same people that promised to support and help) and the weight of everything manifested in my body. My left shoulder and neck locked up and was a 9/10 on a pain scale and i could barely move never mind pack boxes and clean floors. Finally after 3 bogus low ball offers i had had enough. I stormed in the house praying loudly and basically broke off every violating word that had been spoken over my heart and mind. I cut soul ties with EVERYONE.... (thanks for the template Reagan!) I severed unrequited love & loyalty and broke every vow of false alliance & allegiance. May sound a bit extreme, but honestly, hand on heart, it was extreme measures for extreme circumstances. I knew it was warfare. The enemy was out to destroy me and i was not about to just give in to that type of assault. I'm sure some of my ways were more than difficult for people to understand and my emotional swings hit an all time high. It wasn't pretty and i'm not about to make an all inclusive apology to those that might have gotten hit by the stuff going through the fan. I'm still washing my clothes from some of "ya all's" shit too. I DO love and continue to love in all of this; though now my tolerance for such immaturity is at an all time low.

Finally i had a bonafide offer and the ensuing time line drag of inspections and appraisals.
This stuff was difficult as well because everything was put under a microscope. I was in enough introspection already and to have that type of "white glove" test was more than disconcerting.
I felt the Father (Abba) hand on matters though... and even in the midst... there was comfort that HE really was ON things and Jesus was contending FOR me.... Holy Spirit kept whispering promises in my ear. Part of me wanted to reject them as everything else was sore and painful to touch. However, it's the "knowing better" parts of things. Sometimes that sounds trite and unhelpful, but when i look at it from His perspective, we really Do know better when we Know HIM in it.
The stress and the pressure was still building and now it was about everything coming together to get me on a plane. Clearing out a house and purging from 2,200 sq feet down to a 8x10 storage unit was quite the quest. Paying everyone "off" and closing all accounts stretched my already waining admin skills to the point of a large bottle of whisky going rather quickly! (resulting in further fodder for judgement!- LOL)
The house closed on a monday and i was on a plane for New Zealand on tuesday!
Off to an amazing Wedding to be with friends that are like family and to a land where the colours and textures are vast and beautiful.

Things are still in transition and i'm sure He's gonna download and process more in my heart and Spirit. So this is just the beginning. I'm starting over and that's scary, daunting, a bit crazy and exciting. I'm in the country of middle earth and remembering not to sleep with the elves. (inside joke) I'm trusting ruthlessly that He is up to some amazing things because He doesn't just leave, nor reject or betray. It's just The King and I on this part of the journey.... oh and the crazy cool circus of people with whom i'm traveling.
More to come and already storing away moments and memories that are hopeful and healing.
Onward and upward.. the show must go on and all those nice idioms........

Monday, February 11, 2013

A little of Gorka for the road....x

yeah,  have loved this dudes stuff for years.............  
yeah,  feeling a lot today..................
yeah,  this IS a message in a musical bottle.....
yeah,  hope you get it............................................................................

Friday, February 01, 2013

Endless Ocean, Bottomless Sea | Jonathan David and Melissa Helser

I am so glad to be able to post this.  
I am excited about this CD in particular - 

   I like the fullness and inclusivity of it's rawness.  Worship is intimate.  It can take us to place where it's just you and Abba; while at the same time be in a room full of people that are just as captivated by G-d.  

Some of the sweetest times i've ever encountered a saturation level of Holy Spirit has been at "a Place for the Heart". It truly is a "Thin Space"; created by filling the atmosphere with the sound of heaven. 

 I'll be listening to this album on repeat for a bit.  You guys so raise the bar on Visioning and Intention! 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Thinking of blogg’n is stretching my nogg’n tonight.
Long “ta do” list going in my head and is written in part on at least 9 pieces of paper, that are strewn through out this house.   That would somewhat accurately attest to my mental state. 

Things in boxes with the word “important” written across the tape.  Some filled with pictures and promises packed away; neatly incase they might one day be needed or wanted remembering.  Many things waiting for the de-cluttering of soul.
Binning and bagging parts of my heart. Where is the wood chipper for the trees of paperwork? Printer fail.  Forgot that bloody ink cartridge again; perhaps i’ll just draw it on my skin.
Moving in and moving out.  God the ultimate space invader and atmosphere changer.  Needing fuel for the fire and wind for the soar.  Oil of Gladness to decrease the friction between the micro and macro.  All this to move... my mind, my thoughts, my will, my emotions, my heart, my soul, my body, my energy, my spirit. 

Abba guard my being all parts included.  Grant grace in transitions and mercy in travel.  You are God of the details and i need Your help.  amen.  

Monday, January 21, 2013

Odds and Ends.

Not sure of the pieces yet, the dust hasn’t settled and there is fire in the distance.

Thinking of a dream i had a few months ago where there had been a tornado and the back portion of my yard was blown away and i was able to see for miles.

Though the storm had been intense it was the importance of what remained.

I was standing and surveying with the awareness that there is no limit to His protection and to His Grace.

I might be a bit dusty however.......

Thankful that He remembers in Psalms 103: 14
“For He Himself KNOWS our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.”-  actually, that was my morning read today.  Good chapter.

So feeling rather dusty and my sinus’s are reacting.  (Granted, Austin Mold allergies aren’t helping)

There’s enough packing and unpacking things right now.  

i think i’m gonna hold on to grace a bit further and get tangled in the Hem of His Garment.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Thursday, January 10, 2013

"Stay By Your Side" by Waterdeep (yes, Whit, this ones for you)

Yes, Whit, this one's for you....   rare i do some sorta, whimsical cheesy dedication.     This is NOT one of them..     This is because "some friendships are for keeps; pinky swear".

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Waterdeep - I'm afraid I'm not supposed to be like this

I'm grateful to the artisans that continue mining for the Gold on matters of heart. These guys have ministered to my Spirit so deeply.



The weather in the Spirit has felt Blustery of late.
This new year’s waking eye is both blurry and sandy from too much slumber and storm.
Wet and rainy strains on disjointed relationships.
Baroreceptors of Heart responding to atmospheric push - pull as well as contract - relax.
Cloudy swirls grey wisps of foggy thought. 
Electrical storm grounding the Reflex Arch. 
Expanding and recoiling this extended stretch of un-winding this body weathering.   - cathryn

I used to watch the weather channel a lot as a kid as I loved ocean storms.  
I know now as an adult, that some of my love of those storms was due to a Hyper- sensitivity to the atmospheric charges.  
(and NO, i do not need a helmet made from aluminum foil)     
Basically, my central nervous system is seemingly more acutely aware when certain types of ions are copious and that apparently happens when there is a Thunder Storm.  

My question, is “what did my body crave” to be out in one?  The Sense/Feeling i am aware of while it’s happening is “anticipatory joy” that makes me a bit jumpy and my thoughts begin to move quickly.    My Thought on it, is that the increase in (-) ions during the storm trigger an adrenaline effect (aka epinephrine); which is the precursor to a “fight or flight” response.  Things become clearer and i am no longer feeling brain sluggish.  My brain feels “re-booted” if you will pardon the computer analogy. 

There have been more than enough “sleepless nights” over the past few years, but when it is combined with 2 days of TEXAS SIZED THUNDERSTORMS and some coinciding facts of life stressors;  I’m wide awake.  

However, this time in some of this Spiritual/physical/mental/emotional electrical storm, i just sat back and observed it.  I also realized that it was a “Thin place” in the Spirit, where things were easily prayed out and hope felt more tangible despite its ambiguousness.  

I had always thought of the proverbial “thin places’ as a peaceful setting, where there is just a hint of wind and perhaps some birds chirping in the background for good measure.  This Time i was actually watching the Storm become a Thin Place to encounter God and how it can be furiously beautiful and a bit scary at the same time.
My heart cave can be quite the stormy space; but the risk of encountering God in that Storm is so worth it.  When i lean into the storm, i lean into Him and in Him there is rest.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

"I Believe" | Joshua Waller |

Sometimes... there are things that need to be said and are not...  
Sometimes... there are things that not only need to be said... they need to be Declared.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013


Ben, you always .....ALWAYS bring a smile to my face when you talk about Abba! i need to get this for traveling and listening in liminal spaces!

Rebecca's word on "Flutter".

I have some truly amazing Prophetically Perspicacious friends; one of them is Rebecca Heiskell.   

She is not only one of my dearest sisters on the planet; her aim can be scary accurate.  

Thanks Rebecca for consistently being a bringer of the Spirit of Revelation & Truth in a package of LOVE, that quickly slays the enemy of Hope.   

This is what she got from Abba while they were hanging out together in a prayer space:

"This year, when praying for a word from the Lord for the new year, I heard the word, “flutter.” Now the meaning of the word flutter doesn’t bring a pretty picture to mind, as the actual definition means, “To wave or flap rapidly in an irregular manner.” However accurate that may be of my walk with God, I knew that was not what He was trying to say. 
When the Father gives me a “word”, it isn’t as cut and dry as a simple definition. A word from God, for me, is more of a process. It is the combination of applying an aspect of His character, looking in the Scripture and paying close attention to my surroundings. I knew that “flutter” had to do with His grace, because that is what He had been teaching me, and last week, an unusual thing happened. A very large eagle was sitting in the middle of the road on the way to see our kids. Now when you put “flutter” with “eagle”, a wonderful thing happens when you seek it out in the Scripture. 
“As an eagle that stirs up her nest, that flutters over her young, He spread abroad His wings and He took them, He bore them on His pinions. “ Deuteronomy 32:11
Last year many of us experienced a change that led us into a place of nesting and being fed. But this year, is a year of flying. It is a year of destiny. When an eagle flutters or hovers over her young, she is showing them the strength of her wings. The wind literally drives them from their nest, because a nest isn’t their destiny, because they were meant to fly. If you focus on the fluttering of the eaglets, it will definitely look like “waving and flapping in an irregular manner.” But if you focus on the Eagle, soaring underneath, and catching the babies when they fall, and rising with them again to release them, then you get a picture of the freedom of finding our destinies in Him
There is a movie that Kansas was saying was prophetic for the new year, and little did she know, Michael was telling us that we needed to watch it too, and we did. There was a powerful truth in it. 
“Everyone and Everything is interconnected in the universe. Stay pure of heart and you will see the signs. Follow the signs and you will find your destiny. “ 
Our destiny lies in trusting God in His abilities, not ours, and the Eagle eye perspective from that trust will guide us to people and places that we are meant to find. This is your year to soar. Don’t be afraid to try your wings.
Happy New year! Tim and Rebecca"

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Lucy Kaplansky - "Scavenger" (Official Video)

This is one of my all time favorite singer/storyteller; amongst her many other talents of heart and mind.
Thanks for all the deep waters Lucy!
Not only did this have me sobbing, I wanted to share it with a few hearts that straining right now.   it's a big Amen.