Tuesday, September 04, 2012
September's internal landscape
That thought to me has always come with a deep breath held for too long.
This is my exhale.
Being a North Easterner, September’s evening chill have been a demarcation of season changing; NOT so much here in Austin, so i’m held to the dear Gregorian reminders.
Life has taken some hairpin turns and a few death defying leaps, though i was informed of the risks later apparently; at least my cortisol levels would indicate such hypervigilance.
It’s been a season of hard transitions to say the least and today signifies a year that i’m looking at life through different lenses. The Texas glare has given me a headache and i need some scripted shades.
So so SOOOOOOO much inventory to sort and purge through physically, internally and relationally.
I think that sorting inventory is necessary though. Taking a gander and perhaps a deeper ponder on things that were just “accepted” seems to be the view He’s showing me in it.
Including ways i’ve simply accepted my own landscape of internal mindset on matters.
Reminds me of a Henri Nouwen quote on Drawbridges.
Controlling your own Drawbridge by Henri Nouwen
“You must decide for yourself to whom and when you give access to your interior life. For years, you have permitted others to walk in and out of your life according to their needs and desires. Thus you were no longer master in your own house, and you felt increasingly used. So, too, you quickly became tired, irritated, angry, and resentful.
Think of a medieval castle surrounded by a moat. The drawbridge is the only access to the interior of the castle. The lord of the castle must have the power to decide when to draw the bridge and when to let it down. Without such power, he can become the victim of enemies, strangers, and wanderers. He will never feel at peace in his own castle.
It is important for you to control your own drawbridge. There must be times when you keep your bridge drawn and have the opportunity to be alone or only with those to whom you feel close. Never allow yourself to become public property, where anyone can walk in and out at will. You might think that you are being generous in giving access to anyone who wants to enter or leave, but you will soon find yourself losing your soul.
When you claim for yourself the power over your drawbridge, you will discover new joy and peace in your heart and find yourself able to share that joy and peace with others.”
OK, OK, i had to copy and paste... but dam we all need that reminder!
I’m feeling more frail on matters than i care to admit, whilst having a peace that seems deeper despite the fears. Go figure.
I’ve felt pretty bruised on this leg of the journey, complete with a bone chip in my left knee to physically remind me.
Spiritually, i guess i’ve wrestled a few angles and a few not so angelic beings.
It's a good reminder to pull up those drawbridges of my heart.
My goal these days is to simplify my life to what is needed and what is necessary.
However, just to clear the terrain from the seemingly insurmountable rubbish pile, has felt daunting at best and overwhelming to say the least.
To live “simply” in a world that demands “complexity” to sheerly navigate through a morning commute, begs for some skillful finessing.
My goal for today is to get ONE task accomplished. The size does not have to matter. It’s just the moving forward that is the meditation.
Perhaps that meditation is pulling up my Drawbridge.
Perhaps knowing the difference between Drawbridges and Walls.