Blogging is a Moving Meditation.

BLOGGING as a MOVING MEDITATION: Liminality's thin passage untangles as it weaves, fits in the ineffable nooks and crannies of my heart's prayer wall, like the cracks in pavement, mile markers on the road, windblown whimsical napkin poems written in eyeliner.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Selah on Shana





Had to do something really hard today- my sweet-- o’so sweet girl Selah went to go hang out in the celestial realm. 
I don’t really care about the “theology” factor here...  if there are living creatures around the throne, i know she’s hanging out somewhere THERE... and i hope she greets me at the gate when i do go home.
But it’s time to tell a story about how she came into my life.
I was going thru a really hard time back then-  my church home was falling apart, i was in the middle of divorce and i was trying to keep my head above water, at least not kill myself!-  (i’m so not joking)
  
I awoke that morning and felt the Lord say... “I’m giving you a dog today.” Pretty random, even for HIM i might add.... 
So i went about the things i had to do and even stopped at the “pound” to see if she was there.  (no gut feeling and i left, still wondering if i had heard Him clearly)
I was on my way to treat a little girl for a home visit and as i passed a “Gun Shop”- i heard the Lord say, “make a right”.  I thought.. huh? 
So i passed the first driveway... and then i heard Him say it again. 
I shrugged and thought, perhaps i can get a Glock! So i went in... and there were 2 dogs in a kennel.. with a sign that said “free dogs”.  My immediate wise-arse-isms to my Abba was... “ok, i heard single NOT plural God”  HE said, “the one that is left is yours.” 
Well, the next thing i knew i was playing with her, and there was a woman on the phone with her husband asking if she could have them both...  (her hubby said, no - only one... so she took the male)
I didn’t want her to feel the abandonment of her brother, so before i could even think, i said... “i’ll take her”.
Her name was “Shay”... and she sat on my lap as i drove “home”, which was a house i just rented with 2 girlfriends.
The entire ride, i was hearing the word “SHANA” and i thought, “wow, that’s a lot like her name, but why are you changing it Lord?- not even sure it was the Lord at that moment... 
So sure enough, got her home, and my girlfriend Lisa said, “well, Shana sounds like Selah and she is a ponder! you got her at a gun shop when God said make a right!”  So i started calling her Selah.  
About a month went by, and she was a handful... lots of energy, very VERY alert to anything around.. and a love bug.
Everyone that saw her said the same thing...  “She’s so BEAUTIFUL”.- it was the first thing out of their mouth.  
So i was drinking coffee, having a ciggy and reading “israel my glory” magazine... and there in the middle of the page was the word “SHANA”- the same word i heard while driving her home on my lap.  I almost dropped my coffee....  because it’s a Yiddish word and it means - “BEAUTIFUL”.  Well, there i sat, knowing God even gave me her name... and i missed it... lol!  I got her in a very “pondering “ space... (Selah means ponder)-  
She would answer to both.... (funny, i’ll still answer to Claudine - my birth given name, but Cathryn is what my Abba calls me.) 
God was doing His thang... again!  I was in the middle of crap flying thru the fan, my life falling apart and not sure which way was up at that time... and God goes and gives me a gift called “Beautiful”!  
She was smart......  really smart... (not always in a good way..lol......) i called her “Houdini” at times, because she could get out of anything... 
I then began to realize that she had some “gifts”...  She knew when Holy Spirit was present and she knew when the enemy was present.  She was my first warning signal when things were gonna get “heated” shall we say....
When ever someone needed ministry, she would do everything, including escaping a long lead chain. (she had a run in the yard)....  
One time, she was securely clipped on her run and she started barking... incessantly i might add.. and somehow, the next thing i knew, she was at the back door barking and slamming herself against the glass to get in.
 ( everyone that was there, knew, that it was basically impossible for that to have happened.)  She ran right up to the person that was in the middle of some deep deliverance and started licking their face and then running out the door... again and again, like she was pulling something out.  
When it first happened, the person manifested and yelled “i hate that dog!”... it didn’t stop her.....   All of us there were a bit gobsmacked....  Afterwards, the person that got “free” just played with her for the next hour... and said, “it was like she was pulling that thing out of me!”-  
I can’t explain all of that... just that if God spoke thru Balam’s Ass.... i guess, HE can use a dog in such things as deliverance. 
She was always alert to a battle approaching... she was always aware when i was breaking down and crying.... 
I guess, i would say she was a “rescue dog” of sorts....  shudda put a  flask around her neck like those St. Bernard’s!!!  (guess i kept that in my car) 
But she did rescue me on more than one occasion.
Her love was unconditional... and i think  that was part of God’s gift to me in that Beautiful Girl.  She never judged, she never was rude, she never depended upon my mood to love me and greet me at the door. 
She did have her bouts with temper... she once ATE a COUCH!- (not just a cushion... an entire couch, down to the metal frame that held the pull out bed!)
  i had gone away for the weekend, first time i left her for more than 48 hours... she not only ate the couch, she tore down the entire screening of a porch.  (and when i got home, promptly ran to my bed, jumped on it and peed right in front of me!)
  She got her point across.... she was angry at me and was fearful that i had not taken her with me....   i got the message, and from that point further, i made sure i “told” her where i was going and if i could take her i would.  
My favorite memory is when it was the Christmas after i got her.  I wanted to get away.  Away from a lotta things... So i rented a house on the “outer banks” of North Carolina....
For those of you that don’t know ... it’s a 7 hour + drive...   the weather was predicting a NorEaster... but i didn’t care, i like a good storm.  
So i took the drive, with snow blasting on my windshield...  
The road to the outer banks was just about covered with snow and sand, i couldn’t see really where the road was, i just stayed in this dip/valley of where the road “should be”... for about 4 hours.  I finally made it... (had my doubts a few times).
But there she was..... tail wagging... running around my Jeep.... all this energy.
She looked just as stoked by this storm as i was.  
So we went on the beach and the waves were huge... and there she was barking at the storm, as if she could push the waves back.  Then she started to play tag with the waves... i used to do that as kid.  
The house was on the beach... so we went back... put on some music and candles all around - and watched the storm from the deck.  
The next morning was brilliant... though the road had been basically washed out by the blowing sand and some of the ocean.  
We walked for hours.... 
i’m sure she’s walking now somewhere really beautiful.
Something strange happened today, as i was writing this....
The phone rang... the number said... 000-000-0000
so i picked it up.  There was just silence, then a voice, sounded like “sorta”  a  computer, but it was a female voice....  
it just simply said.... “good-bye”.
I don’t know how... i’m not even gonna try to explain...   She died at 12.00pm - the call was at 3:00...   somehow, i just know, it was God’s way of letting her say good-bye.      Selah.
Love you my ol’girl  .... Shana/Selah.
Cathryn