Blogging is a Moving Meditation.

BLOGGING as a MOVING MEDITATION: Liminality's thin passage untangles as it weaves, fits in the ineffable nooks and crannies of my heart's prayer wall, like the cracks in pavement, mile markers on the road, windblown whimsical napkin poems written in eyeliner.

Friday, September 23, 2011

CharisMystic ?

     I’m a CharisMystic not a charismatic.  Well, technically, i’m a “PoMo” : Postmodern  CharisMystic. 

Since growing up in the North East, there were not many times i was asked ... “where do you go to church?”.  
Considering how long i’ve been “down south”, it’s only in retrospect, that i find that rather odd.

It seems knowing your identity is really Key to  Sanity these days.   Well, it’s Key period on so many matters, but specifically it feels like there is an urgency about it.
I’ve never been a “name it claim it” sort of believer.  However i know His Word “does not come back / return void”; so there is a point to staking claim to those promises.  
If there is a thief that is caught, and holding something of mine, I’ll say “Give it back, that’s mine”.   The enemy of my soul/spirit is a  thief and a liar, i will treat it accordingly.
I guess you could say i’m a “REALIST” on matters both practical and spiritual.
I believe in what’s Real.
I’ve worked in Health Care for over 20 years now and just writing that is sorta scary, but....
I know serious physical injuries are REAL, I know Serious Emotional/Mental injuries are REAL. (i Know the “causes” ARE REAL)
    I know you can have multiple levels of injuries simultaneously - and yet cope.
I know that gravity holds me to this spinning orb that we so involuntarily trust in.
I also know another Gravity of sorts.
The “Kabod”- the weightiness of God.
I really love that word/Word because it’s grounding; when my soul feels more like fragmented particles of self, wafting like dust in sunlight.
I’ve seen more of God do astounding REAL things than books could contain.  (i think there’s a verse about that very point eh?)
I know that Prayer holds Weight in the Spirit as well.   How that works, i don’t know, but then again, knowing how this spinning orb works is beyond me too.
Faith is what you have when everything else goes to shit; but faith is all you need  in moments when hope is failing.   Faith and Hope are sorta bedfellows.  You can’t have one without the other, though they switch roles, as needed according to strength. 
  Perhaps Paul had that stuff right .....
 Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Cheeky bugger if you ask me on that one.... yeah, he got it... but ............there’s a place where your spirit knows it’s true, but the rational mind is more saying WTF.
In the next few months i’m going to try and unpack (shit, did i just use that phrase-really)-    Anyway, i’m going to try and unravel  the “hermeneutics”..... which makes this “PoMo-CharisMystic think that Loving Fiercely is worth it........ 
i might be going from “pillar to post” on matters- yes, i’ve been in the south long enough to use that phrase.   But could someone please tell me where “Yonder” is on a google map?  

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Psalms 103 lil gems.

Ok.... so have been thinking about “Atonement” and what that means.............
“someone has to Pay”-   mentality. 
We keep blaming God for that mentality, but i maintain, that is our own creation, born out of fear and not faith, that God’s Justice isn’t Sufficient. 
God’s sense of Justice, it certainly seems to be, much more Grace filled than our fickle hearts.  (Thankfully)
I think Psalms 103 has a bunch of nuggets for this season, as i’m painfully learning.
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 
This summer i’ve watched the grass wither within a week of not having water.  I “GET THAT” verse now.  Interesting that it takes an emotional drought and a physical one to hammer that home in my heart.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 
Shit, i’m thankful for that... cuz that’s where this crazy thing called Grace comes in.  
14 For He Himself knows [e]our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.----------

another version says that "He remembers our frame that we are but dust.
I'm thankful for that today.  
I just want to ENTER this day with that Thanksgiving.  
I forget to be thankful.
Lord help my unbelief. amen.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Lord, Have Mercy

Picture taken by Deanna Roy-   Austin skyline- wildfires

Just thinks this sums up some matters on things.

Lord, have mercy.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Purging Questions.

Yesterday was the first day in a very long while, that when i stepped out the door and felt a 60 degree morning hit my face, i cried.  Texas has been more than brutal this summer, the skin-part-of-my-heart feels like the dried grass.
The wild fires are burning, just miles to the East of Austin, and i can smell the smoke.
I’d say that’s more than fitting on more levels than i can count presently.

I’m looking at my life differently at the moment and finding it too cluttered; considering i’m a “all or none” person on matters, that means a garage sale of large proportion.
That also means looking at everything around me and asking:

Do i want this?
Do i actually need this?
Does it hold a emotional component that it’s important to save?
How visceral is my reaction and gage my response.
What is it’s worth?
How do i take measures to get the most value?
Time is money, so how much time am i investing, to get the best return.
What is important to me?

I guess i’ve got a lot of questions right now.  Rightfully so i gather.

Just looking at first steps, with just enough light to make very small steps at a time.

Praying for grace.