Blogging is a Moving Meditation.

BLOGGING as a MOVING MEDITATION: Liminality's thin passage untangles as it weaves, fits in the ineffable nooks and crannies of my heart's prayer wall, like the cracks in pavement, mile markers on the road, windblown whimsical napkin poems written in eyeliner.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Steve Taylor - Since I Gave Up Hope

Ha! ok a bit more of some brilliant lyrics...........
"life unwinds like a cheap sweater
but since i gave up hope i feel a lot better...
And the truth gets blurred like a wet letter....
but since i gave up hope i feel a lot better........"

So much for eggestential thought......

I Want To Be a Clone Lyrics

Ok so if you haven't ever heard of Steve Taylor... you've missed some of the 80's best in Christian Alternative... he's never been all that political correct in Church circles.. (THANK GOD)- but honestly, for some reason in all the POMO circles.. this could apply... could we have a go at new lyrics.... i might have to ponder it a bit... but..... that was my mind meanderings today............

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Cool Nights -fireplace and a robe!

So this might just be more of a thought blog post than of much ta do about anything.... But today was the first time i actually had to put on a Jacket because the wind picked up and in came some well needed COLD.... not just cool.... but the Coldest breeze i've felt so far. Considering i will forever refer to our first summer in Austin as PURGATORY - or at least as much of my post catholic past would ever want to come close to it....... complete with wanting some heavy hitter intercessors to pray my arse out of it! I guess when i ponder, it felt like it in every sense of the word. Emotionally excruciating, oppressively hot, transitionally difficult with some of the blackest depression i've felt in years. (just being honest on the hard parts here) Thing is, God has been present and while there have been some painful places .... HE still speaks and is still Good and Still LOVING. Even in the places where there is death in life and life in death.

So i'm sitting by the fire in a soft robe, with windows open to still enjoy the cold night air. I don't often blog on the hard or painful parts... there is enough on the T.V. or in the papers to make one want to taste metal. And i've found even in the middle of it all HE doesn't change.

Listening to Graham Cooke at the beginning of this month was a refreshing pint of ALE. One of the things he said that tickled my fancy, was what God had told him some time ago......... HE said....... "Graham, you and I have some "irreconcilable differences" and I DON'T CHANGE." I laughed and smirked at the same time, because though God is often cheeky, He's never wrong.

I hold to an uncensored relationship with my Abba.... i don't pretend i'm fine or happy with how things are going... I've taken some deep consolation in reading how some of the Saints of old hashed stuff out with HIM. HE knows i'm human, and even takes great delight in it. It makes me cry at points when i know HE's said to me on more than one occasion, "Cathryn, even when your angry at ME, I KNOW that if I asked you to do something for ME, you would... that is why I do ask you to do the seemingly impossible, because I know you know can't with out ME". And HE always says stuff like that with this beaming eye gaze and tickled grin on His face - especially when i'm looking back fuming with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Seems like an eternity ago, when i was 12, we were asked at this Jr. High youth group thing (thanks Mark Dail!) to pick a LIFE VERSE........ (may seem a lil churchy and contrived, but Mark Dail had a way with the genuine) Well the verse that came to my heart/spirit was 2 Cor. 12:9 "MY GRACE is sufficient for you, MY POWER is made Perfect in weakness".

Even after all these years, (and the years i was trying my damnedest to Avoid HIS voice) that never left my spirit and i knew some how He was gonna hold me to that Word.... because it was Living and Breathing in me.

The past year i've felt more frail, fragile, vulnerable, WEAK, unsure, unsafe, unloved and overwhelmed than perhaps anytime in the last 10 years or so........ and that's hard to say so openly. Yet, i've seen HIM do some of the most amazing things i've ever seen in my entire life. ----

I don't know what's harder to say.... all the stuff i've felt, and felt about myself.... or that HE still continues to say,

"cathryn, you amaze ME, I love drawing close to your hot fire of love, I love it when I see you gaze at someone with blue flame fire in your eyes because your angry at what the enemy has done to one that I love so dearly, I love your dry wit when your standing on a battlefield, I love the way you use My Sword in a fire fight, I love it when you continue to choose to love another even when you've been hurt or wounded. I love it when the tears pour from your heart over things that you know have hurt me, I love the way you love me even when your feeling so shattered and heart broken that breathing or wanting to continue breathing is the only choice. I love the way you refuse to give up on Hope, I love the way you have stood in Faith and Hope when another couldn't. I love the way you Worship ME even in the Storms, I love the way you have trusted ME even when it was hardest. I love the way I formed and fashioned you, and I'm not done. I Love you my precious warrior daughter."

well, i was just going to say that sometimes it's harder to say .... what HE says about me.... and well HE said listen and type..... and now i'm just weeping. I could have just copied and pasted it into my journal - but felt Him say "keep it real.... and keep it out there.... others need to ask ME what I love about them".

So Lord, have your will .... in ways i don't understand. amen.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Out and about....... with some good grub!

Well, Graham Cooke was in last weekend at "Church of the Hills" - (right around the corner!!!) and all i can say is he did more than punch the religious spirit on the nose. His focus was on seeing ourselves and others how we are seen from the Kingdom perspective. (which is quite the gander). Guess what i've loved about Graham (for about 16 years now... wow..) is he is always the encourager. He challenges Church thinking with Kingdom perspective - where we can get all caught up in "church" rather than seeing the bigger global and celestial picture. In that - is how Abba God is ravished over us, is our biggest cheerleader, lover, friend, and in hot wild passionate pursuit. Though, in balance, he's not all glory bumps about how the Body looks now in it's relating to each other. Graham's prophetic challenge is always to go farther and deeper into the heart of God, and higher and wider in His expression through us. - with this uncanny warfare ability that smashes anything that's in it's path that would keep His Kids from walking in their true identity. It blessed my heart so... as well as set me free from a few things. That's just it ... isn't it, the freedom part that just goes deeper.... the more land HE takes in our hearts, the more of His land we can share with each other in relationship.

With that, we are enjoying some special fellowship time with John & Caroline, - and the pic is one of the gifts that was waiting for them, after they came back over the pond, - We've had some fun watching them as they have opened their wedding goodies- and that is Selah (my dog) - trying out Mary's (their dog) camping tent! So they've gotten some camping equipment and the joke is .... (since they are looking for an apartment/ flat...) that if they don't find one, they can camp in Austin. Next Saturday, we are having a wedding celebration in our back yard... so we are planning the first big shin dig on this ground! Phil put up the Fairy Lights yesterday, and it's all warm and champagne like in sparkles. We're planning on keeping them up, but NOT in Red Neck fashion- for those of you who understand that reference.... "God bless their hearts".

We are making homemade pizza tonight (dough is rising atm)- complete with a prosciutto meat sauce, fresh mozzarella and fresh pesto from the basal in our mini garden. Hopefully the garden will be bigger next year, as we get to know the climate and soil potentials... but if your drooling a bit already, Phil is making his famous biscuits and gravy on Sunday. Caroline and John are part of the tribe that has not experienced this seriously gourmet tradition - handed down from Phil's mom! Derek says that Phil's biscuits and gravy is the standard which he lives by, in judging the quality of such Southern Traditions! Should be good... i'll try and take before and after shots of the plates, ---

shalom, and deep blessings.. cat

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Austin City Limit's and a few tid bits.......

Things are shifting with cooler weather (at least in early mornings and evenings)- still getting up there during the day....
Got to go to Austin City Limits Festival on Sunday with Derek and Amy. (which was such a blessing) Felt like after 4.5 months being here, we were coming out of the big transition... and now, instead of getting our "feet wet"- we were standing on some seriously dusty field. NO JOKE, i think i inhaled at least a few miles of top soil in the form of dust. People were looking like masked bandits with the bandanna's around their mouths. LOL i never really did understand why they did that in Westerns... so "clocked that"- for future endeavours -
I really enjoyed myself, despite the "dust bowl" in the hot end of summer haze. We got to hear some pretty cool music... One of the best was MIKE FERRIS........ who has a set of PIPES that will basically knock you out of your seat. Blues/Rock/Soul hardly describes the intensity and passion that he caries. Derek and i got to speak with him briefly, - and he has such a tender and humble heart, yet when he's performing, it's got Power and Authority on it! Really rare combo.... It felt like a revival with out the usual religious cheesy on it. Very refreshing blast of water- to the point of in the Spirit it felt like a fire hose (that usually take a few to even wield) came on full blast and hosed us all down in HIM! YA GOTTA CHECK OUT THE TUNES FOLKS- seriously!

On other fronts, John and Caroline came in yesterday, and we will be hosting for about a month as they get planted here. They are really precious with sights set on Kingdom stuff. We had a thick time of sharing - complete with cheese, vino, chocolate cake.... fruits and veggies and some good pasta last night. It was rich and full.......

Graham Cooke will be here next weekend -- I LOVE his stuff....... He's doing a mini conference at Church of the Hills, which is only a stones throw away from our door. So Brian and Whitney are coming in...... and looks like we'll have a small group going to hear him Friday, Sat and Sunday. Graham came in a few years ago, in NC, when Jonathan Helser's 1st CD "the Awakenings" was birthed. Graham has one of those Daddy heart Prophetic Anointing - that to me ... has such a rich teaching gift, with prophetic insight and wisdom. I've always walked away from his teaching and ministering with new levels of freedom and permission to walk further.... ( i'm really stoked about it) Looking forward to blogging on it later.